


Different

by jjibunrock



Series: After Curfew [3]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M, Teenagers, i don't know what happened with this, mentions of past levi/eren, very light angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-13
Updated: 2014-10-13
Packaged: 2018-02-21 00:02:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2447951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jjibunrock/pseuds/jjibunrock
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Levi loved me, but he wasn't an idiot. He knew that he needed to do that for himself. And...I respect that. Maybe not when it happened, but definitely now."</p><p>"I would have stayed," Jean says fiercely. He looks at the ceiling again, scowling. "Does that make me an idiot?"</p><p>"No," Eren replies. He smiles softly. "It just makes you different."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Different

“I really feel like we should stop meeting in the cold,” Eren announces suddenly.

There’s a scarf pulled up over his face and a hat covering his head. His eyes and hands are the only things exposed, but Jean just knows he’s frowning. He’s sitting on the ground against the side of a building while Jean stands next to him.

“So what do you suggest we do?” he drawls. Eren shrugs.

“Oh, I don’t know. Meet somewhere _inside_?” he replies.

Jean stares at him for a few seconds before turning around abruptly and walking away. Eren gapes at him before scrambling up and walking quickly until they fall into step together.

“What the hell was that, asshole?” he hisses. Jean looks at him from the corner of his eyes.

“We’re going somewhere warm,” he says, looking at Eren like he’s dumb. “Can’t you tell?”

“Some warning would have been nice,” Eren says.

Unintentionally, Jean’s shoulder smacks into his own when they walk. Eren flushes and moves away a little. He hadn’t realized they were that close.

“Sorry,” Jean says, but doesn’t sound the slightest bit apologetic.

They walk on for a while until they reach a residential street. The street lamps shed warm light onto the pure white of the ground. Jean suddenly stops, digging around in his pocket for something. He pulls out a set of house keys and jogs up the steps of a cozy-looking house.

Eren follows after him hesitantly.

“You took me to your house?” he asks. Jean looks at him before smirking.

“No one’s home,” he says, and unlocks the door.

They both go inside, stripping off winter jackets and gloves and scarves. Jean hangs their coats in the closet and leads Eren upstairs to his room. Once inside, Eren takes a few seconds to look around.

Jean’s room is pretty clean. There’s a neatly-made bed with a nightstand on the right side. On the left sits a dresser with a mirror. His closet door is half-opened, and there’s an empty laundry basket sitting in the corner.

“My mom’s on a business trip,” Jean explains. “That’s why she’s not home.”

“That makes sense, then,” Eren says. He lingers awkwardly by the door until Jean turns around, raising his eyebrows.

“You can sit on the bed,” he says, jerking his chin towards it. “I don’t mind.”

Eren slowly moves to the bed. He sits down gently, his eyes on Jean.

“I’m going to change,” the taller boy says.

He moves to the dresser, back to Eren. He pulls out a pair of black pajama bottoms and a white tee-shirt. He begins to pull of his sweater, causing Eren to squeak softly and look away. His face burns as he focuses his eyes on Jean’s beige carpet.

“You don’t believe in warnings, do you?” Eren asks, swallowing thickly. Jean smirks and flops down onto the bed.

“Nah, not really,” he jokes, his eyes bright.

Eren brings his knees up to his chest, leaning his chin on top of his kneecaps. He exhales softly, eyes drifting over to the clock. It’s a few minutes to midnight.

“My parents would kill me if they knew I’ve been sneaking out,” Eren whispers. Jean looks at him.

“So why do you keep doing it?” he asks. “If you’re so worried, that is.”

“I…” he pauses, clearing his throat. “I want to see you, though.”

Jean sits up against the headboard. Their arms brush together lightly.

“I hate being seventeen,” he says. He stares at the ceiling of his room, clenching his jaw. “I mean, I’m almost a fucking adult. But everyone’ll treat me like I’m a brat who doesn’t know shit.”

“It’s bullshit,” Eren agrees. Jean clicks his tongue.

“Fuck people, though,” he says. He waves his hands vaguely in the air as he speaks. For the first time, Eren realizes how much bigger they are than his own. “I mean, I want to be able to say I love someone without some asshole telling me I don’t know what the hell I’m talking about.”

Eren nods…and then stops. He looks at Jean in surprise, mouth half-open and eyes wide.

_“I love you, Eren Jaeger. Even if you’re a brat.”_

“You’re…in love with me?” his voice sounds thin and barely-there. A tiny part of him is hoping that the taller teen is talking about someone else, someone who’s _not_ him.

 Jean looks at him.

“Uh,” he says intelligently. He rubs the back of his neck awkwardly. “I was planning on saying that later…and more romantically.”

“I thought you hated gushy romantic stuff,” Eren says idly. Jean scoffs.

“I’m allowed to change my mind,” he says defensively, face flushed red. He shakes his head and looks back at the ceiling. “Sorry. I just made things awkward as fuck.”

“It’s okay,” Eren says. His mind keeps replaying Jean’s words over and over in his head.

He stands up quickly.

“I should go,” he says, jerking his thumb over his shoulder lamely. Jean looks at him, his expression hurt for a few seconds. Then he nods.

“Yeah,” he says. “Wouldn’t want you to get in trouble.”

Eren turns to leave. He knows why he’s running. He knows he’s being a coward, and that what happened back then is _not_ Jean’s fault at all, damn it. But every time he hears “love” he thinks of the boy with the dark hair and gray eyes that made him feel special and then like shit so quickly.

It’s not Jean’s fault that Eren had shoved images and words and the ghostly feeling of fingertips trailing along his skin behind thick walls. It’s not his fault that Eren still thinks about the boy that’s been gone for years, and it’s definitely not his fault that Eren had been young and dumb and thought he’d been in love.

“Jean,” he says, turning around before he can stop himself. He knows he’s going to sound like a dick, but his mouth doesn’t listen to his brain and moves on its own.

 “You don’t love me,” Eren continues, and doesn’t stick around long enough to see his face.

* * *

 

Armin stares at his best friend, running his fingers through his hair.

“What are you doing here, Eren?” he asks. He loves the boy, he really does, but he loves sleep too.

“I fucked up,” Eren says, voice thin and watery and lips red and bitten red. He’s shivering, despite the coat and gloves and long scarf.

Armin sighs and lets him inside. He thanks every superior being that his grandfather is fast asleep. He leads Eren into the living room, where he gives him a mug of warm water and sits next to him.

“So what did you do this time?” Armin asks. Eren sets the mug down.

“I’ve been seeing this guy,” Eren says. “I mean, we weren’t going on like official dates or whatever. But we made out a couple times and I’ve kind of been sneaking out to see him.”

“Oh my God Eren,” Armin moans. “Are you crazy?”

Eren winces, eyebrows furrowed lightly.

“Probably,” he says softly, and reaches for the mug again. He holds it in his cold hands and bites his lips. “And today we went to his house, because we’ve always been meeting outside and it’s too cold for that shit. And…and he sort of said he loved me.”

“Oh,” Armin says. Suddenly sleep doesn’t seem all that important. “So…what did you do?”

“I told him he didn’t love me and came here,” Eren says. There’s a faraway look in his eyes.

“Is there something else…?” Armin asks.

“Remember Levi?” Eren asks. Armin sighs at the name.

“You’re not over him,” he says.

“I am,” Eren says sharply. “I just…I just thought of when he said he loved me. And then he-” Eren cuts himself off. “I thought of him and I shouldn’t have. Because Jean’s nothing like that and now I feel terrible.”

“You should,” Armin says, ignoring the brief look of anger that flashes over Eren’s face. “You probably broke the poor guy’s heart.”

“I didn’t do it on purpose,” Eren snaps. He brings his knees up to his chest. “I just…the last time I loved someone, they left.”

“You can’t let that control your future relationships, though,” Armin says. “Yeah, it sucked. But you can’t dwell on it. Levi moved on and you need to do the same.”

Eren laughs without humor, resting his cheek against his knees.

“The thing is I thought I had,” he says. “I felt like I was totally over Levi, you know? And then this happened and I just…”

“You can fix this, you know,” Armin says softly.

Eren sighs and smiles softly.

“Thanks,” he says.

“You’re welcome,” Armin says. “Now go home.”

Eren snorts, shaking his head.

* * *

 

It takes a week for Eren to gather up his courage.

It’s the middle of the day. He had managed to get out with a hurried explanation of a made-up science project that he _absolutely_ needed Armin’s help with. His mother had left him go with a raised eyebrow and a reminder to be home before it got dark.

Eren shoves his hands into his pockets, his eyes scanning the streets. They looked vaguely familiar, and he makes his way down the sidewalk carefully. There are people out, hustling about with their hands filled with groceries or their children. Eren doesn’t pay them any attention.

He stops in front of the house, hoping it’s the right one. He slowly goes up the stairs and knocks on the door, stomach twisted into tight knots. His heart pounds in his ears, and he feels like there’s suddenly not enough air in his lungs.

Jean opens the door, looking disheveled. He yawns, eyes slipping closed. When he opens them, he looks like he’s just seen a ghost.

“Hey,” Eren says. He half-expects Jean to slam the door in his face.

“Hey,” Jean says, voice rough with sleep. “What are you doing here?”

“I…think we should talk,” he says.

Jean blinks at him for a few seconds before opening the door wider. Eren steps inside and wipes his feet on the doormat.

“I’m surprised you got out of the house,” he mutters.

“I’m surprised you let me inside,” Eren says back. Jean looks at him before shaking his head.

“Yeah, well,” he says awkwardly. “What’s up?”

“I’m sorry about last night,” Eren says. “I shouldn’t have just left like that. It was a dick move and-”

“Eren,” Jean interrupts. “Do you like me?”

“Of course I like you,” Eren says instantly. He pauses for a few seconds. “I just don’t love you.”

“That’s fine,” Jean says softly, expression neutral. His eyes show how hurt he actually is.

“I think I could, though,” he says.

Jean sighs softly and leans against the door. Eren shifts his weight back and forth between his feet.

“Don’t give me false hope,” he says, and glares at the ceiling.

"I dated a boy when I was fifteen," Eren says. Jean looks over at him.

"Did you love him?" There's a hint of jealousy in his tone.

"I...did," Eren says carefully. His heart clenches when he thinks of the first boy he had ever kissed, the boy he held hands with underneath a sprawling blue sky. The same boy who had given him his heart...and took it away just as quickly.

"What was his name?" Jean asks.

_What happened?_

"His name was Levi," Eren says. It still hurts to say that name, but he figures Jean should know. Then he would understand why Eren had done what he had. “He used to be my neighbor. But then he went to college and I never saw him again.”

Jean looks surprised when Eren says that, jaw dropped and eyes widened slightly.

"Oh," he says, frowning a bit. “Are you…?”

_Are you okay now?_

"I was really mad for a while," Eren admits. "I think I hated him at one point. I just kept thinking that he loved me, and that if that was true he shouldn’t have left. But then I realized he had to.”

"Do you ever think of what would've happened if he stayed?" Jean asks curiously. Eren shakes his head firmly.

"He wouldn't have," Eren says. "Levi loved me, but he wasn't an idiot. He knew that he needed to do that for himself. And...I respect that. Maybe not when it happened, but definitely now."

"I would have stayed," Jean says fiercely. He looks at the ceiling again, scowling. "Does that make me an idiot?"

"No," Eren replies. He smiles softly. "It just makes you different."

Jean looks at him, his expression honest and warm. Eren leans closer until they’re breathing the same air, their bodies close enough to touch. He looks up at Jean.

“I wouldn’t hurt you,” Jean says. He leans down, his nose brushing gently against Eren’s. He releases a shaky breath. “I wouldn’t leave you.”

“I know,” Eren says. Their lips brush together when he speaks. “I trust you.”

And when their lips finally meet, Eren thinks that _yes_ , he could love this boy.


End file.
